Jennifer Lopez On 2004 Ben Affleck Split: ‘I Felt LIke I Was Going To Die’

Jennifer Lopez said her breakup with Ben Affleck 20 years ago was so painful she thought she'd die. Per Yahoo! the singer talked about her upcoming Affleck-inspired album titled This Is Me...Now. She also discussed his reaction to her very personal lyrics. Lopez, 53, said, "Twenty years ago, I fell in love with the love of my life. Now, the most amazing, incredible, unbelievable thing has happened... the reason we're here is because I want to capture this moment in time because it is even better than the first time."

Affleck and Lopez tied the knot twice over the summer after rekindling their relationship. The couple initially called off their engagement in 2004. Lopez recalled, "It was so painful after we broke up. Once we called off that wedding 20 years ago, I was — it was the biggest heartbreak of my life. I honestly felt like I was going to die. It sent me on a spiral for the next 18 years where I just couldn't get it right. Couldn't get it right. But now, 20 years later, it does have a happy ending. It has the most would-never-happen-in-Hollywood ending. 'That would never happen. We're not going to write that because nobody would believe it' ending."

Lopez said that when she and Affleck reunited, he called her out for not performing songs that were about him on her 2002 album, This Is Me...Then. "I was like, 'You're right. It was painful.' It was a part of me then that I had to put away to move on and survive. It was a survival tactic, for sure," Lopez recalled. "This Is Me...Then really captured a moment in time where I fell in love with the love of my life. It's all right there on the record. I didn't even realize what was happening and what I was doing. Every single song that we wrote there, me writing 'Dear Ben,' it was such a special moment in time to have captured." Lopez revealed that Affleck even "knows all of the words" to songs on that album.

The Marry Me star said the "outside energy" of the media frenzy surrounding their relationship in the early 2000s "destroyed us," adding, "And we loved each other, it was hard. It felt, at times, unfair, but neither one of us is that person to be like, 'Woe is me.' So we were like, 'Well, we just got to dust it off and keep it moving.' And I think, in the weirdest way, that it motivated both of us to then become and do the things that we wound up doing, which is kind of go into hyper-gear," noting they had "to do it separately. He went into hyper-gear and I went into hyper-gear. But not together. We had to do it separately... It fueled us in a weird way that we felt we had to prove ourselves again."

Lopez hinted that This Is Me...Now will feature similarly personal lyrics about Ben like This Is Me...Then did. "We captured me at this moment in time when I was reunited with the love of my life and we decided we were going to be together forever. The whole message of the album then is this love exists. This is a real love. Now, what I think what the message of the album is very much if you were wondering if you have, like me at times, lost hope, almost given up, don't. Because true love does exist and some things do last forever and that's real," the "All I Have" singer said. "I want to put that message out into the world and that does take a lot of vulnerability. But I couldn't stop myself and some parts of it scare me. And I think parts of it scare Ben, too. He's like, 'Oh, do you really want to say all this stuff?' And I'm like, 'I don't know how else to do it, baby."

This Is Me...Now will be released in 2023. Lopez revealed the tracklist on social media:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got married over the weekend in Las Vegas after previously being engaged 20 years ago before calling it quits.

Writing to her On The JLo newsletter, Lopez, 52, said, "We did it. Love is beautiful. Love is kind. And it turns out love is patient. Twenty years patient."

She continued to say that their elopement was "exactly what we wanted. Last night we flew to Vegas, stood in line for a license with four other couples, all making the same journey to the wedding capital of the world," adding that they only wished "for the world to recognize us as partners and to declare our love to the world through the ancient and nearly universal symbol of marriage."

The Hollywood "It" couple kept their attire simple, with J-Lo wearing "a dress from an old movie" and Ben wearing "a jacket from Ben’s closet." Lopez said it was the "best possible wedding we could have imagined. One we dreamed of long ago and one made real (in the eyes of the state, Las Vegas, a pink convertible and one another) at very, very long last."

Lopez said of their relationship, "When love is real, the only thing that matters in marriage is one another and the promise we make to love, care, understand, be patient, loving and good to one another. We had that. And so much more. Best night of our lives. They were right when they said, 'all you need is love.' We are so grateful to have that in abundance, a new wonderful family of five amazing children and a life that we have never had more reason to look forward to. Stick around long enough and maybe you’ll find the best moment of your life in a drive-through in Las Vegas at twelve-thirty in the morning in the tunnel of love drive-through, with your kids and the one you’ll spend forever with. Love is a great thing, maybe the best of things-and worth waiting for."

The singer and actress signed the newsletter, "With love, Mrs. Jennifer Lynn Affleck."

News of the nuptials traveled fast, with celebrities and fans alike wishing the couple congratulations. Vanessa Hudgens told E! News of her Second Act co-star, "I was literally scrolling through Instagram and I saw that and I gasped."

On Instagram, Vanessa Bryant wished Lopez congratulations, while Hoda Kotb wrote, "Love is patient and right on time. Congrats my darling."

Fans congratulated the couple on getting hitched, while others sought this opportunity to troll the "Love Don't Cost A Thing" singer, who has famously been married several times and in many relationships. See their reactions below: